Obey Esé

Surely this must be a curse word to me...

When we think of obedience I believe many things come to mind. Some things that come to mine are that it’s easy to obey. That I’m a pretty good person so obedience comes naturally when given to an astute leader of character. Then there’s the obedience that’s way off the scale like on some slavery type ish and I’m not with that foo foo…

Next, there’s the obedience that God instructs  us to give to him. I can kind of compare it to my first example. Thinking it will be easy to do because I grew up a good kid who stayed out of trouble. Then all of a sudden God pops up, and tells me to do some things I don’t really want to do….at the expense of dying to my flesh. 

He be like ,”Go say hey to your co-workers”

Now I don’t have anything against any of my co-workers I just like to clock in and out like the introvert that I am. You know… dodge every person in the process. 🙄(ugh annoying)?!


“Record your testimony and post it”

“I’m a pretty transparent person anyway, but God I don’t know how to do that”, would be my response. Was my response. For the last 6 years, my life flipped turned upside down. Resulting in the removal of a lot of people. It left me vulnerable and unsure. Questioning weather I was good enough to even be whole or if I could reach that point.

So I decided to rebel.

Helping people with my experiences has always been something I desired to do. I wanted to fight with people. Empower people to be free. I didn’t actually believe that I had what I took to empower anyone. When the time approached (this year 2019) to record the video I sank into a depression.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. (it slick was 4 weeks ago but that’s besides the point.) I had spent heavy time with God before recording anything. I wanted his spirit to be what was seen in the video. Not me. Not the people referenced. Then I started to edit it. I PACIFICALLY (yes I didn’t that on purpose) was instructed to post it before August was over. The night I was supposed to finish editing I became overwhelmed with emotion. I not only decided not to finish editing, but that I would not upload the video AT ALL! . My words to God we’re ,” I’m tired of helping, but feeling so defeated and alone!”.

Instead, I found my way creating an account for some dating app. The whole time I was doing this I assumed I was getting back at God, but In reality my heart was beating super fast.

My heart beat was fast because :

1.) I knew I had no real interest in dating someone for real.


2.) I knew that God could see me.

I ended up falling asleep. 

(Context) Mornings are usually hard for me to get up. I have to set a bajillion alarms to get up, but the following morning was different. 

I woke up at 4:44 am fully alert. (I am NEVER alert at that time in that way. Normally I slug my way around.) Then my phone lit up with a text.

The text read …..

Obedience is better than Sacrifice”

Brooooooo I like-ta had diedddddddd

when I tell you that scared the heck out of meeeee

Immediately I let out a grunt because I knew not only had God woke me up that early and that alert, but that that text was directly in relation to my disobedience. I sat in my spot wide eyes. In that moment I heard God in a different level and I couldn’t quite comprehend why. I sat equally is disbelief and belief. I couldn’t stop crying.

I got up and ran to my computer and finished editing, later uploading the video on the last day of the month.

It’s been a entire month since I have uploaded that video and I honestly feel the empowerment that I so desperately wanted others to feel. It’s because sincere my obedience God has been building me. It’s one thing to flex like your being obedient. Anyone can look the part and talk super spiritual. It’s a whole other thing when you are obedient to what God tells you to do.

Shortly after my obedience I was given an opportunity that I desired for a long time. It showed me that when I obey I can get to where I’m trying to go a lot quicker. Disobedience will cost you time and you can’t get that back. Even if my action of obedience didn’t turn into a worldly opportunity I know that God honored my actions. And that honor transcends anything material or monetary from the earth.

Of course obedience can be scary when it puts you at risk to be talked about. Man’s approval does not exceed God’s.And that was a factor in my disobedience. I wanted humans to confirm what God told me to do. I wanted humans to see the vision. I wanted humans to understand myself calling.

Who will you obey?

Man..or God?

Who is your Lord?

Acts5:29 - Peter and the apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!”